Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
