Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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