i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
