I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
