dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
