Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
