JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
