Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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