I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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