the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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