he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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