There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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