Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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