Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
