I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
