She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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