just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
