She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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