All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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