oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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