I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize