Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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