Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
