That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
