so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
