You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
