I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
