I wish I could punch you in the face.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
