my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
