Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I have demons in me.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
