So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
