i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
