Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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