then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
