No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Your mouth is God's brothel.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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