Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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