I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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