I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
