Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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