i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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