I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
