I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
