if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
