WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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