his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
