so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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