Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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