Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
