I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize