Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
