I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
