Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
