You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
