paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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