it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
