I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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