i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
