mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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