Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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