If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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