Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
