We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
