just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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