I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
