For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize