Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
